Of late, I see more and more of my friends and family, not to mention our Country, entering and enduring darkness. Trial after trial and season upon season of darkness.
For some, the darkness came with a warning for others it was right out of left field– completely blind siding us. But God. God is never caught off guard. Nothing sneaks up on Him. And that is unsettling and at first unacceptable.
As someone who has lived through some of the darkest days, please let me speak truth into your ear. The enemy will whisper lies of deceit and even aid in manipulating the intentions of God Himself. We were never told, by God, that we would live fairy-tale lives. Uninterrupted by pain or death or adversity. Matter of fact if we read His word we are warned about such times, but supported– even held together, with promises upon promises of "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and "DO NOT FEAR" and "Don't be faint of heart, for I am your refuge"
Is that enough? To have promises when you are seeking answers? I can only attest in my own grief that in the beginning it was not. His word fell on deaf ears. My pain– to intense and suffocating and the anger of it all just added to the intensity.
I cried out daily, for years... WHY? He did not answer.
I still do not have an answer to my WHY's. But I will testify to this; if He had answered my question I would surely have another– and another– and a million more. If God would have given me an answer as to why He promoted Alex, I would have told Him what He could have done or should have done differently. Admittedly though, I knew there was no answer that would ease my pain and suffering. God knew that. He knows that about us. He knows how fragile we are and how mislead (by the enemy) or unadvised we are as to His intentions for us and our world as a whole. There are plans laid out, before time, that we are not privy to. This is where the big word that I had issues with came into play– TRUST. I had trust issues. I felt God had failed me. But I was sick. Sick in my spirit. I felt so defeated and felt as though I would never have a healthy spirit again. Honestly, I was certain I would not survive my loss– my darkness. I didn't trust my Redeemer. The Creator. The Healer of ALL brokenness... and it hindered my healing.
There came a point when I was spent. I was tired of being overwhelmed with sadness and anger– it had become all consuming. And it was looking as though this great loss was survivable and let me tell you I did not like that, but it was evident. I started to surrender to the ONLY One who knew how to heal me. I had been keeping Him at a distance physically, but close enough that He could hear my words. Angry, unkind, disrespectful and all. I wish I could say, I called out "with the whisper of a lowly heart" but my words were still laced with anger, but my sincere plea was, " Fine. If I have to stay here, one day longer, without my Alex, You use me. Every single day until I am reunited with my son. Do not let one day be wasted. Don't let our suffering be for nothing. Give me purpose. I don't want to be useless. I want to be useful."
With these conditions God took me at my word. He started immediately. There were times I tried to take back my words, but He had already started His work. I could no longer sit idle by while someone was suffering. I could no longer pretend all was well with the world. I was now afflicted and that was a game changer. It changed my life. He brought me out of the darkness and into the light.
Though there are still dark days ahead, knowing more wholly/Holy His ways, we can face them with an irreplaceable Hope– as long as we remain heavenly minded.
The key to survival is Trusting God. If you can't trust Him in the dark times, you won't be able to trust Him in the good times. As we yield to Gods purpose He uses us in proportion to our willingness to be shaped.
Instead of asking Why? Ask, How? "God, How can you use my season of darkness to help others? To further your kingdom?"
Allowing Him to live through your life, your brokenness, is like leaving a giant bronze footprint behind as you leave this world and enter into eternity. God can turn a dark season into radiant light when His will begins to be fulfilled in our life.
The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: 17And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. 18For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
When your whole world seems to be falling apart, lean hard, into Him– trust Him. Ask Him to give you heavenly eyes to see past the suffering, and be willing to take it slow. The deepest wounds must heal from the inside out. It's going to take time. Let the God whom created you, deal with you properly.